[00:00:00] Tóxica Hotline Intro

Thank you for calling the Tóxica Tarot hotline. Listen closely because the options can always change. Press one if you're certain it's mutual based on three weeks of eye contact. Press two if you celebrated a job before signing an offer. Press three if everything happens for a reason and you might be the reason.

If you believed in something before you had proof, amiga, stay on the line

[00:00:28] Disclaimer

Tóxica Tarot is for entertainment purposes only. The host is not a therapist, does not offer readings, and is legally speaking just a rando on the internet. Twenty-two archetypes, one card a week. Side effects may include cringe, compassion, and cunty self-care. Tóxica Tarot is Latina made for the girls, gays, and theys.

Audience discretion is advised.

Hola, hola, hola. Come on in and get comfortable. Get yourself some herbal tea. I recommend peppermint for soothing clarity and to help us digest. So let's take a deep breath and get curious.

 I'm your host, Carla Corazón,

and this is Tóxica Tarot. 

[00:01:06] The Fool

What does a 500-year-old card know about your situationship? Mm, more than the group chat. Today's card is the fool.

Card zero, the first card of the Major Arcana. Look at her standing on a cliff, one foot off the edge, smiling, bag on her back, dog at her heels. She doesn't know where she's gonna land, but she's going anyways. Some people say the dog is loyalty walking alongside her, going wherever she goes. Others say it's a warning, tugging at her clothes, desperately trying to sound the alarm before the next step.

This card can mean you're at the beginning, the leap before the evidence, and yes, before the plan.

In our little Tóxica Tarot universe, the Fool's name is La Delulu, patron Tóxica of dreaming. And it's complicated because the Fool can be, well, courage. 

Anyone who has navigated spaces that weren't built for them knows that without the fool, nobody starts.

In the 1800s, we had New Thought Theory. In 2006, we had The Secret. And today, we have La Delulu, all the same ancient survival strategy. You can buy some of these on a keychain on Etsy. Now we open up to the inheritance. In this space, we listen and we don't judge, but we do have a Yolanda clause that we do need to cover.

We cover pattern recognition but not absolution. This is not a hall pass to cause or endure harm. Now that I have that covered, let's check in on your tea and settle in.

[00:02:48] Inheritance

We know that sometimes hope is the only thing a person can hold onto in an unimaginable circumstance. And, it's kinda what makes us human. She's the part of you that loves to scroll for a property in a country you've never been to.

You decorate the apartment. Before you sign the lease. You write the role, before the person knows they've been cast. You stay in motion, by staying in the story. 

That's why your saved Bali property list is your little secret. Some things are a private dream, shielded from the judgment of others. When the dream and the reality finally line up, mm, she just feels like a happy kid. I think of Misty Copeland, told she had the wrong body and changed what the dream looks like.

 La Delulu with her eyes open plus the follow through. Sheesh

[00:03:44] Tóxica Cinema - Ugly Betty

Tóxica Cinema

for La Delulu, two characters who absolutely would've called the hotline. Betty in Queens. And, Elle in California. Decades apart, same energy. First, Ugly Betty.

If you didn't grow up watching her, you grew up around somebody who did. America Ferrera made Betty for an entire generation of Latinas who needed proof we belonged in the room. Betty Suarez is 22, Mexican-American, from Queens . Braces, poncho, and a confidence she may have not yet earned. 

She gets hired at Mode. Rhymes with Vogue. She doesn't know that she's getting hired as a practical joke. Betty walks in like the joke is the welcome mat. Then there's the accountant.

Cardigan, glasses, feelings for Betty. He also has a pregnant girlfriend in Tucson. Betty knows about the girlfriend. Betty knows about the baby. Betty also knows in the version of the future that lives in her chest.

That none of that is gonna happen the way it looks like it's gonna happen. The pattern costs Betty. Her dad stops asking about him. Her sister and her best friend stop bringing up the girlfriend in Tucson. Nobody in her life has the energy to keep saying it out loud. Some might say naive and some might say desperate, but we're gonna choose to see her as the person who believed ahead of the evidence.

He's gonna choose her because in her version, this is the chapter where the love story works. The vision is certain, and reality is the part that just hasn't caught up yet.

[00:05:32] Tóxica Cinema - Elle Woods

Then Elle, Elle Woods. Legally Blonde 2001, the girl everyone underestimated on purpose.

Elle has never made a decision from a stable place. Every move has come from the same engine. If I'm the right version, I will be loved. Her boyfriend dumps her at dinner. He's heading to Harvard Law and needs to marry a Jackie, not a Marilyn. So Elle decides she's going, too. Three months of studying, 179 on the LSAT, and an admissions tape in a pink bikini.

Harvard said, "Yes, sure."

Meanwhile, the Pattern costs Elle. Her sorority sisters stop asking about him. Her friend runs out of ways to bring him up. The study group goes quiet about him. Anyway, she believed ahead of the evidence. He realizes he's lost without her because in her version, this is the chapter where he comes back.

Reality just hasn't caught up yet. Betty believed she belonged. Elle believed she was right. The room called them both a joke, for separate reasons. Betty Suarez and Elle Woods are La Delulu in cinema form. Two women who learned that hope was the only door they were allowed to keep open.

[00:06:58] The Mythical Tóxica

Next up, and this is my favorite segment, the mythical Tóxica. Tonight we go to Greece, baby. Once upon a time before any of us were here, the gods made the first woman. Her name was Pandora. Each god gave her a gift, beauty, the skill of loom, persuasion, curiosity, charm bracelets.

Just kidding. I mean, her name means all gifts. They handed her one more thing.

A marriage gift from the gods. They didn't say what was inside, though. They just gave a woman the gift of curiosity, handed her a jar, and told her not to open it. What did they think was gonna happen? She opens it, and everything is escaping. Sickness, death, old age, hunger, 

Harry Potter charms.

As soon as she realizes, she slams the lid back on. one thing is left inside. Hope

Now, look how the story got told. For most of history, Pandora was the villain, the one who let evil into the world. Nobody blamed the gods. They blamed Pandora. And she's remembered, as the clumsy one who let everything out. Not the one who managed to hold onto hope. Hope is a gift the way fire is a gift. It can warm a house, and it can burn one down, too.

[00:08:28] Card Questions

Three doors, same room. Tarot, cinema, mythology. Different countries, different centuries, similar patterns.

Before the operator takes you out, three questions. You don't have to answer them out loud, just hold onto them and think about them.

Where are you decorating an apartment you haven't signed up for?

 Where are you over-investing out of love or expectation?

Who have you written a role for that doesn't know they've been cast yet? Thank you for calling Tóxica Tarot Hotline. That was la Delulu. Call back next week when we open the line to La Creída, the prima who walks past the guest list and never gets stopped.

And remember, not saints ni tóxicas.